Fact: Last time we did any actual home ed was on Friday 22nd October.
Excuses: We had the Halloween sleepover to plan, then I was ill, then Emily was ill, then we had a lot of paying work to catch up on, then it was the end of a week and we fancied a day off, then it was the beginning of this week and we’re waiting to go out riding this afternoon so there’s no point doing any work this morning.
Truth: Have been bone idle. Emily has also been bone idle and has lost motivation because I’ve lost motivation.
Fact: House is constantly a tip.
Excuses: Lack of time, we “like” it that way, can’t think what to do with the junk, have far more interesting things to be doing than housework.
Truth: Hate it this way. Could and should get up earlier and deal with it. Have far more interesting things to do in theory (doesn’t everyone?) but the interesting things aren’t happening anyway. Am bone idle.
Fact: Have not finished my book proposal, despite starting it in January.
Excuses: Have to see to “pays now” work before I can focus on “might pay in the future and is what I really want to be doing” work. Also have to home educate.
Truth: Have been bone idle. Could and should have carved out time in the year to work towards dreams instead of playing catch up with a less than satisfactory situation. Often use “have to home educate” as an excuse even when not much home ed is going on.
Fact: Don’t earn enough from current paid work.
Excuses: Too tired, have to home educate (see above), don’t like some of the work, have to create time to work on book proposals etc (even though that’s not happening, also see above).
Truth: Don’t get up early enough, don’t focus enough, not motivated enough.
Fact: Have not lost a single pound in weight all year, despite being hugely overweight and having set an ambitious weight loss goal to be achieved by next August.
Excuses: not enough time to exercise, no exercise equipment I like, can’t afford (time or money) to go swimming or to a gym, don’t eat all that much anyway, will start “soon”.
Truth: Don’t get up early enough, could fit in time to exercise, could use equipment we have, could go swimming if could be bothered, eat way too much crap. Ridiculously awful example to Emily.
Fact: Concerned about Emily’s lack of a social life.
Excuses: She doesn’t want any further activities, she’s happy enough the way she is, she’ll grow out of it, or not, as suits her personality.
Truth: All of the above are true, but the whole thing is hindered by the fact that I really don’t like most people and am not inspiring Emily or setting a good example by socialising.
Fact: Concerned about the amount of time Emily spends at the PC
Excuses: She’s taught herself a very high level of computer knowledge, it’s her hobby, I would have done the same if we’d had a computer when I was her age, she likes doing it, it’s not doing any harm, she reads the news and researches things, she’s learning, she’s got our company in the study while she’s on the PC.
Truth: All of the above are true, but Emily would no doubt spend less time on the PC and more time doing “something constructive” if more constructive things were offered more often by a mother who’s too wrapped up with trying to earn a bean or two.
Fact: We don’t go out enough as a family.
Excuses: Not enough money, not enough time because we have to keep earning, Emily’s not that fussed about going out, we’re all homebodies at heart and don’t find a life of out here, there and everywhere every week very appealing.
Truth: Homebodies bit is true. Money/time bit is probably true, except that I see other people who also have little money constantly going out on trips, eating out etc, so obviously they manage…so could we. Could and should make more of an effort before it’s too late.
Fact: Often lose my temper with Emily and/or Jon over stupid, minor, nonsensical things.
Excuses: Am very stressed quite often, do try to apologise afterwards.
Truth: Have terrible memories of Emily’s babyhood when I was a spitting, seething monster. Improved only slightly in toddlerhood and only slightly again on that since home ed. Regularly feel like the worst mother in the world.
Fact: Someone once told me I was a poisonous mother and she felt sorry for Emily being my daughter and being brought up to be like me.
Excuses: She was pissed off at the time and probably didn’t mean it.
Truth: When you look at all of the above, you can’t help but conclude that she was probably right.