Excuses

Fact: Last time we did any actual home ed was on Friday 22nd October.

Excuses: We had the Halloween sleepover to plan, then I was ill, then Emily was ill, then we had a lot of paying work to catch up on, then it was the end of a week and we fancied a day off, then it was the beginning of this week and we’re waiting to go out riding this afternoon so there’s no point doing any work this morning.

Truth: Have been bone idle. Emily has also been bone idle and has lost motivation because I’ve lost motivation.
Fact: House is constantly a tip.

Excuses: Lack of time, we “like” it that way, can’t think what to do with the junk, have far more interesting things to be doing than housework.

Truth: Hate it this way. Could and should get up earlier and deal with it. Have far more interesting things to do in theory (doesn’t everyone?) but the interesting things aren’t happening anyway. Am bone idle.

Fact: Have not finished my book proposal, despite starting it in January.

Excuses: Have to see to “pays now” work before I can focus on “might pay in the future and is what I really want to be doing” work. Also have to home educate.

Truth: Have been bone idle. Could and should have carved out time in the year to work towards dreams instead of playing catch up with a less than satisfactory situation. Often use “have to home educate” as an excuse even when not much home ed is going on.

Fact: Don’t earn enough from current paid work.

Excuses: Too tired, have to home educate (see above), don’t like some of the work, have to create time to work on book proposals etc (even though that’s not happening, also see above).

Truth: Don’t get up early enough, don’t focus enough, not motivated enough.

Fact: Have not lost a single pound in weight all year, despite being hugely overweight and having set an ambitious weight loss goal to be achieved by next August.

Excuses: not enough time to exercise, no exercise equipment I like, can’t afford (time or money) to go swimming or to a gym, don’t eat all that much anyway, will start “soon”.

Truth: Don’t get up early enough, could fit in time to exercise, could use equipment we have, could go swimming if could be bothered, eat way too much crap. Ridiculously awful example to Emily.

Fact: Concerned about Emily’s lack of a social life.

Excuses: She doesn’t want any further activities, she’s happy enough the way she is, she’ll grow out of it, or not, as suits her personality.

Truth: All of the above are true, but the whole thing is hindered by the fact that I really don’t like most people and am not inspiring Emily or setting a good example by socialising.

Fact: Concerned about the amount of time Emily spends at the PC

Excuses: She’s taught herself a very high level of computer knowledge, it’s her hobby, I would have done the same if we’d had a computer when I was her age, she likes doing it, it’s not doing any harm, she reads the news and researches things, she’s learning, she’s got our company in the study while she’s on the PC.

Truth: All of the above are true, but Emily would no doubt spend less time on the PC and more time doing “something constructive” if more constructive things were offered more often by a mother who’s too wrapped up with trying to earn a bean or two.

Fact: We don’t go out enough as a family.

Excuses: Not enough money, not enough time because we have to keep earning, Emily’s not that fussed about going out, we’re all homebodies at heart and don’t find a life of out here, there and everywhere every week very appealing.

Truth: Homebodies bit is true. Money/time bit is probably true, except that I see other people who also have little money constantly going out on trips, eating out etc, so obviously they manage…so could we. Could and should make more of an effort before it’s too late.

Fact: Often lose my temper with Emily and/or Jon over stupid, minor, nonsensical things.

Excuses: Am very stressed quite often, do try to apologise afterwards.

Truth: Have terrible memories of Emily’s babyhood when I was a spitting, seething monster. Improved only slightly in toddlerhood and only slightly again on that since home ed. Regularly feel like the worst mother in the world.

Fact: Someone once told me I was a poisonous mother and she felt sorry for Emily being my daughter and being brought up to be like me.

Excuses: She was pissed off at the time and probably didn’t mean it.

Truth: When you look at all of the above, you can’t help but conclude that she was probably right.

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About nikkielysian

Writer, astrologer, home educating Mum.
This entry was posted in Family Matters and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Excuses

  1. Alison says:

    Oh Nikki 😦 You’ve never ever sounded like a poisonous mother, I have to say.

    So sorry you’re feeling so down about everything.

    • nikkielysian says:

      Thank you, Alison, I appreciate that. Just feeling like a total failure at the moment 😦 – but it will pass, I’m sure.

      • Alison says:

        It’s horrible when everything just seems to pile up and pile up … I know I tend to find that the more there is to do, the less able I feel to start on ANY of it. Making that initial push to get back on track is just such an effort of will – but I guess you know, like I always do! – that once you’ve started to get back in the swing of things, that you will feel better about it all.

        And I’m not trying to earn a living at the same time like you are!

        Like Helen, I’d love to meet and chat in person one day – I reckon our daughters might get on πŸ™‚ Perhaps we could introduce them online somehow!

      • nikkielysian says:

        Alison, that’s a good idea πŸ™‚ I’ll email you with Emily’s email address and MSN thingy if you’d like to pass them on – don’t worry, no rush, though; I know you’re very busy.

  2. HelenHaricot says:

    I also want to register an objection ((())) I think you come across as a mother who loves her daughter v much and has a close relation ship with her. If we lived nearer, i would ask you to come round for tea πŸ™‚ I am a homebody mother of a far more social daughter [well, one is anyway!] and as for things getting on top of you and bringing you down – that is what is happening rather than you being ‘bone idle’ i am v guilty of that too, and in fact put on rather than lost weight 😦 . hugs and more hugs.

  3. HelenHaricot says:

    PS have contemplated having a tick sheet for me as well …

  4. nikkielysian says:

    Bless you Helen. If we lived nearer I would love to come for tea! πŸ™‚ Having a tick sheet for Mum is not half a bad idea. Except that we haven’t even done anything on Emily’s tick sheet for the last 2-3 weeks, so…… !! Thank you for support, I really appreciate it.

  5. Bev says:

    Everything you label as ‘excuse’ is actually ‘truth’.
    Trust me, I beat myself up almost word for word the way you do. But when I read what you say to yourself I can see it for what it is – completely wrong! You are brilliant, wonderful, resourceful and I love your blog. You achieve so much, care so much, you are an inspiration and what a role model for Emily! Please be kind to yourself, you so deserve it.
    Of course, this doesn’t in any way mean that I will stop beating myself up any time soon!
    Hugs
    Bev

    • Nikki says:

      Thank you Bev, what kind words. This parenting lark isn’t as easy as it looks, is it?? I very much appreciate your support and hope that you can apply your words to you too, and stop beating yourself up for a bit πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  6. This will probably be marked as spam because all my previous comments were. And they were actually semi-coherent.

    Mum, can I have the password for your latest post please? Pllleeeeeaaaaasssseee???
    I’ve nearly finished my politics work but I got slightly distracted…

    Pllleeeaaasssseee??
    I’ll give you a jelly bean!

    Oops, I ate them all. Sorry.

    By the way, can you tell me the meaning of Prochocracy and Exarchy? I can’t find any definitions for them and I’m to lazy to go and get the dictionaries.

    -Emily

  7. Emma says:

    Its so easy to beat yourself up as a HE parent. I think you’re doing a fab job. Emily is obviously a very happy and secure girl. My ds has just started high school and I’ve been surprised with how little they have covered so far. It’s helped me not to worry about dd2 so much. It doesn’t seem like we’ve done much for ages but just because there is no paper proof doesn’t mean they are not learning.

  8. Kirsty says:

    I’m sure you’re doing fine too. We all have doubts.

    I think it’s probably good to have these slumps and down periods too or else how would we appreciate the good bits?

    (have also contemplated tick sheet for me – lol!)

  9. Chin up Dear…. I dont think that you are a poisonous Mother, we all have our moments when we say something we probably shouldnt of.
    You would be so welcome to come here for coffee but we live to far away.. I am however sending hugs your way.
    Sarah x

  10. Pingback: Rambling Goals | Home Ed Grows Up

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